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Post by Mahatt Micoat on Jul 19, 2009 18:21:11 GMT
My cousin (a very religious person) killed himself last night. I was at my aunts (his mother) for Sunday lunch when the police turned up to tell her. I know he's cut himself before but they weren't suicide attempts but rather cries for help, last night (so the police told us) he crashed his car and hung himself in it OR hung himself in his car THEN crashed it It sounds silly I know but I don't know how I feel now, part of me wants to fall apart and part of me wants to tell my cousin what a F***ING idiot he is. Sorry for posting this here but I wanted to rant and rave somewhere and get it off my chest.
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Post by Kelly Sigh on Jul 19, 2009 18:37:39 GMT
MM - my thoughts are with you, your Aunt, and your family.
K xxx
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Post by Glen B Ogle on Jul 19, 2009 18:42:27 GMT
All I can say is you and your family have my deepest sympathies, Mahatt.
Will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
Glen
(And this was exactly the right place IMHO for your rant)
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Post by tigerlily on Jul 19, 2009 19:06:09 GMT
Mahatt, I am so very sorry for your family's loss. Glad that you were with your aunt when the news came, though. What a frightful shock.
My very best wishes to you all.
*hug*
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Post by Peek on Jul 19, 2009 19:22:44 GMT
Mahatt, in my opinion anger is a natural reaction to death, whether it be suicide or in the usual way, so don't worry about ranting/raving, in the coming days I'm hoping this will subside for you.
I am sorry for your loss, you'll be in my thoughts , take care.
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Post by troykerr on Jul 19, 2009 19:40:57 GMT
I agree with Peek - my late MiL raved and cursed at her husband when he died before she did.
One thing I learned a few years back is we all react in our own way. However you feel now is right for you.
Our thoughts are with you and with your aunt and family.
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Post by Mahatt Micoat on Jul 19, 2009 19:57:48 GMT
I feel guilty for wanting to "have a go" at my cousin for doing what he did when I know really I should be supporting those closer to him (his mother, brother and nephews and nieces) so I then feel selfish.
I think I've come to terms with it but I know if I see the nephews and nieces I'll end up crying again (like myself and the eldest niece were this afternoon) and it'll all start again.
I must remain practical and supportive for them, at least for now.
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Post by tigerlily on Jul 19, 2009 20:10:55 GMT
I really don't think there's a right or a wrong way to react, whatever the degree of closeness.
I doubt any of the family would blame you for crying with them; in fact, they may well welcome it. It does help, sometimes.
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Post by Vera Bout on Jul 19, 2009 20:21:06 GMT
Dont bottle things up as it never works, take my situation so dont do it. You need to pull together as a family to get through this and you always have my shoulder to cry on, it does not make you less of a person! You will feel angry at your cousin, anger turns to hurt and ultimately the loss is felt, it does get better eventually but the person lives on in you and the family and no one can take away the memories.
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Post by Peek on Jul 19, 2009 21:09:26 GMT
I think I've come to terms with it but I know if I see the nephews and nieces I'll end up crying again (like myself and the eldest niece were this afternoon) and it'll all start again. I must remain practical and supportive for them, at least for now. Mahatt, it's going to take some time for you to come to terms with it, there's no getting away from that, and yes, the tears will flow, but you can still support your nieces and nephews , they won't think any less of you if you let your feelings show (but try and suppress the angry ones ).
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Post by sarah on Jul 19, 2009 21:39:22 GMT
oh MM I am so sorry to hear this, and glad that you can rant on here, no apology needed I wish I could help, but only time heals (so they say) never be afraid to cry, I have more respect for a man who shows his feelings than one who doesn't! please take my hugs and love to you all xx
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Post by shemmy on Jul 20, 2009 6:28:31 GMT
MM, you have reacted as most people would over such a loss. You are angry with your cousin, but also deeply hurt at losing him, in what is a very sad situation. I hope your family and friends can forgive him, and remember the good times you spent together.
xxx
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Post by revmichael on Jul 20, 2009 7:10:10 GMT
MM. I can only reiterate the good sense being talked above. May you and your loved ones have some peace in this matter. It is difficult for any of us to pontificate on these issues - particularly if we have never been driven to consider such extreme action.
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Post by Wanda Roff on Jul 20, 2009 9:28:01 GMT
MM, my thoughts are with you and your family.
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Post by Mahatt Micoat on Jul 20, 2009 16:14:37 GMT
Thank you all for the kind words. Today was "one of those days" at work and I really didn't want to be there anyway. I'm afraid I "let off steam" at someone when I really shouldn't have done which made me feel worse afterwards. I think the thing that's currently "getting to me" is not knowing DETAILS, not just why but exactly HOW? That and not being able to help my aunt and other cousins because I have to work. Is it silly of me to keep hoping they've made a mistake, not that it's not him (we know it is) but that it wasn't suicide but a terrible accident? Hanging just wasn't his style, he had sleeping pills and booze available and had been known to cut himself with knives in the past so why hanging / car accident? It just doesn't sound "right"!
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Post by tigerlily on Jul 20, 2009 16:31:40 GMT
MM, I would think there will be an inquest very soon, and that will hopefully give you some answers.
I hope that will give you some peace of mind, too.
Might I suggest - if you haven't - that you tell your immediate boss at work what's happened and explain how it's affected you? I'm sure they'll appreciate that today was out of character for you.
*hugs*
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Kay Ninegriptight
TOG
Blessed are the cracked for they shall let in the light
Posts: 210
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Post by Kay Ninegriptight on Jul 20, 2009 21:22:41 GMT
Can't think of anything useful to say only how shocked I am at your news and how very much I hope you will find your way through this. I guess the wanting to know `how' is about your trying to make sence of something that is very incomprehensable to a sound mind. I agree with tigerlilly if you can tell your boss it will take the pressure off you trying to pretend you are OK.
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Post by lily on Jul 21, 2009 16:51:34 GMT
Mahatt, I'm so sorry to hear this. It's the right place to put it and please accept a huge hug from me. As we've met, I hope you can feel the hug a bit more.
I have no wise words to add, but feel free to PM or rant away on here if you need to.
And don't apologise - to my mind it's perfectly natural.
Love Lily xxx
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Post by Mahatt Micoat on Jul 21, 2009 17:11:15 GMT
I'm feeling a lot more "normal" today, I keep thinking about my cousin which I can cope with so long as I don't "dwell" on it all.
I of course am still grieving but think it's time to get a bit practical now and help my aunt (and that side of the family) who of course must be feeling worse than me, as I'm now the nearest family member to them with a car, I think helping them will help me if you know what I mean?
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Post by lily on Jul 21, 2009 17:22:33 GMT
I'm feeling a lot more "normal" today, I keep thinking about my cousin which I can cope with so long as I don't "dwell" on it all. I of course am still grieving but think it's time to get a bit practical now and help my aunt (and that side of the family) who of course must be feeling worse than me, as I'm now the nearest family member to them with a car, I think helping them will help me if you know what I mean? Yes I do, and often it's the 'practical' stuff that helps you.
Take care xxx
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