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Post by kirstiett on Nov 4, 2005 10:24:19 GMT
LIFES GREAT QUESTIONS
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
What is the speed of darkness?
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?
If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation
Can you cry under water?
What level of importance must a person have , before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases ?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up, like, every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? ..... They're still going to see you naked anyway.
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Post by Ken Woodmixer on Nov 4, 2005 10:27:32 GMT
How did the 'Keep off the grass' sign get there ?
Rob
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Post by Beau Leggs on Nov 4, 2005 12:36:04 GMT
As answered before.... 1 Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Because some are too lazy or stupid to change the batteries.
2 Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Because the capitalist society always demands that we screw those the most who can at least afford it. If you are rich you can borrow money at 5%, but if you are poor it costs 35%.
3 Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Because the stars have been studied for thousands of years and as yet, we are not able to touch the stars to see if they are wet.
4 Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
It does if you leave the lid off.
5 Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?
Safety for the person giving the injection.
6 Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
If you actually read the Tarzan book, you will remember that he found a locket containing a picture of his mother and father and realised that he wasn't some ugly deformed ape. He also found his father's old hunting knife and used that to shave himself when he was in his teens. The loin cloth that he wears was taken from an African tribesman he caught and ate.
7 Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a gun at him?
The gun is thrown to his face, which invokes a natural response to duck.
8 Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
The initial ones wore helmets because they were intending to return after the battle. Only if they got shot down did they heroically try to take as many of the enemy out with them. Near the end of the war, the pilots who were basically on a one-way mission did not wear helmets.
9 Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
The same sod who decided to cal a reading complaint Dyslexia.
10 What is the speed of darkness?
Still waiting for it to be captured on the speed cameras
11 If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
In a box.
12 If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
-136.6degC (136.6K)
13 If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Humans and apes both evolved from the same creature, which is now extinct (except in Kent)
14 If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
Helping themselves.
15 Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
Yes.
16 If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
No, because the police will just shoot them.
17 Can you cry under water?
Yes, but your mask would eventually just fill up.
18 What level of importance must a person have, before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
This is actually the best question here, and I think it should go on the serious board.
19 If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
To get closer to the money.
20 Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Because it is cheaper to manufacture.
21 How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases?
Because one's servants carried the suitcases and poor folk couldn't afford to travel. Therefore there was no necessity for the invention.
22 Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
Usually these folk have never had or looked after a baby.
23 If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Yes, because it is the Judge who is doing the hearing.
24 Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Because it is easier than climbing up a chimney.
25 Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? ............. they're still going to see you naked anyway!
So they can go away for some tea, a pee or a fag break.
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Post by nobbin on Nov 4, 2005 13:26:28 GMT
As answered before.... 1 Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Because some are too lazy or stupid to change the batteries.
2 Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Because the capitalist society always demands that we screw those the most who can at least afford it. If you are rich you can borrow money at 5%, but if you are poor it costs 35%.
3 Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Because the stars have been studied for thousands of years and as yet, we are not able to touch the stars to see if they are wet.
4 Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
It does if you leave the lid off.
5 Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?
Safety for the person giving the injection.
6 Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
If you actually read the Tarzan book, you will remember that he found a locket containing a picture of his mother and father and realised that he wasn't some ugly deformed ape. He also found his father's old hunting knife and used that to shave himself when he was in his teens. The loin cloth that he wears was taken from an African tribesman he caught and ate.
7 Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a gun at him?
The gun is thrown to his face, which invokes a natural response to duck.
8 Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
The initial ones wore helmets because they were intending to return after the battle. Only if they got shot down did they heroically try to take as many of the enemy out with them. Near the end of the war, the pilots who were basically on a one-way mission did not wear helmets.
9 Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
The same sod who decided to cal a reading complaint Dyslexia.
10 What is the speed of darkness?
Still waiting for it to be captured on the speed cameras
11 If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
In a box.
12 If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
-136.6degC (136.6K)
13 If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Humans and apes both evolved from the same creature, which is now extinct (except in [glow=red,2,300]Wombwell[/glow])
14 If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
Helping themselves.
15 Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
Yes.
16 If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
No, because the police will just shoot them.
17 Can you cry under water?
Yes, but your mask would eventually just fill up.
18 What level of importance must a person have, before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
This is actually the best question here, and I think it should go on the serious board.
19 If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
To get closer to the money.
20 Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Because it is cheaper to manufacture.
21 How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases?
Because one's servants carried the suitcases and poor folk couldn't afford to travel. Therefore there was no necessity for the invention.
22 Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
Usually these folk have never had or looked after a baby.
23 If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Yes, because it is the Judge who is doing the hearing.
24 Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Because it is easier than climbing up a chimney.
25 Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? ............. they're still going to see you naked anyway!
So they can go away for some tea, a pee or a fag break. I'm afraid you got one of them wrong, leggsy!
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Post by Beau Leggs on Nov 4, 2005 16:21:02 GMT
Don't be afraid.
Wombwell is treated as not in the same space-time continuim as the rest of the universe. Therefore the answers are all correct for this universe, but not for the multiverse.
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Post by nobbin on Nov 4, 2005 16:23:03 GMT
Don't be afraid. Wombwell is treated as not in the same space-time continuim as the rest of the universe. Therefore the answers are all correct for this universe, but not for the multiverse. Aaaah, if you had only said that in the first place! Shall I contact Pickard? Or maybe Q?
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Post by Мĕł Tingpot on Nov 4, 2005 16:35:25 GMT
Purlease ....Picard and NOT Pickard
*swoons at Captain Picard*
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Post by bones2112 on Nov 4, 2005 16:37:16 GMT
as she falls over the placard
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Post by Syd OndeeFence on Nov 4, 2005 16:44:31 GMT
To be or not to be.
That's a question
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Post by Мĕł Tingpot on Nov 4, 2005 16:49:34 GMT
Why isn't there a question mark then?
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Post by nobbin on Nov 4, 2005 16:59:26 GMT
Why isn't there a question mark then? Because you were expecting one..........next question?
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Post by Мĕł Tingpot on Nov 4, 2005 17:57:53 GMT
Why isn't there a question mark then? Because you are expecting .......... [glow=red,2,300]NOOOOOoooooo[/glow]Don't EVER say that ...not even in jest *panics *
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Post by nobbin on Nov 4, 2005 18:09:03 GMT
Because you are expecting .......... [glow=red,2,300]NOOOOOoooooo[/glow]Don't EVER say that ...not even in jest *panics * Carries on jesting .......just to see what will happen*
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Post by Мĕł Tingpot on Nov 4, 2005 18:20:29 GMT
Bloke would turn grey(er) overnight, I will dissolve into a jellyfied heap on the floor...
Have pity ...5 was enough for ANYONE
*cries*
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Post by Ava bike on Nov 4, 2005 19:46:26 GMT
Is this a question
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Post by Alf Witt on Nov 4, 2005 19:49:20 GMT
To be, or not to be... surely THAT is the question? Whether 'tis nobler in the mind, to suffer the slings and arrows, of outrageous posts..
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Post by Mike L.Iff on Nov 4, 2005 20:12:36 GMT
If written as *this?* yes it is a question, if written as *this* then no it isn't
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Post by Ava Bike on Nov 4, 2005 20:44:37 GMT
Nope - no question mark (I went to grammar school you know)
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Post by Beau Leggs on Nov 4, 2005 23:31:18 GMT
Nope - no question mark (I went to grammar school you know) Did your granma finally pass her exams?
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Post by rolandbutter on Nov 5, 2005 7:48:30 GMT
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