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Post by Vera Bout on Jul 23, 2009 19:49:03 GMT
I do not usually post on this board but at the moment I feel like I need to. My Mum died today and has left me feeling very sad, upset that she is no longer here and angry that Mum was taken from us. I am considering seeing a spirtualist/medium to see if they can help me make sense of this mess, I have always been undecided on the use of these people, any ideas, suggestions or comments to help me decide if I really should go this route, I curently feel pretty desperate.
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Post by Peek on Jul 23, 2009 20:01:13 GMT
Vera I know exactly what you are going through regarding contacting a medium. I have often stated on here that I am an atheist, however my Dad believed in spiritualism and for some reason I felt a kind of affinity with it when 2 of my relatives passed away. I really was on the verge of contacting someone, but then, in each case, I had dreams about my relative and in each one they convinced me that they were fine... I can't exactly explain how I knew, I just did. And in having those dreams I felt settled and able to accept their deaths.
I know some peeps will be sceptical of mediums, on a normal day when I'm at my most cynical I would probably be the same, but I can't deny that I have considered using them.
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Post by tigerlily on Jul 23, 2009 20:38:41 GMT
A friend of mine went to see a spiritualist medium and was quite impressed with her. I did vaguely think of going myself, but never quite got around to it.
I do miss my mum a heck of a lot, especially this time of year when the anniversary of her death is fast approaching. Really we're never ready to lose a loved one, whether it is expected or not. In my case it was very much out of the blue, with absolutely no prior warning whatsoever.
It really was awful.
I was lucky enough to work for a brilliant company at the time who arranged private counselling for 18 weeks which I could go to in work time. Something that my counsellor tried with me is what's called gestalt or empty chair therapy.
Sounds a bit whacky, but basically you take two chairs and place them facing each other. You sit in one chair and image your mum is in the other chair, and you say all the things you wanted to say. It is very, very powerful stuff if you can imagine yourself into that scenario. I felt hugely better afterward. It resolved some things I was really having trouble with, and in an odd way I really do think that the answers I got came from my mum.
I don't mean she spoke to me! I mean that the answers that came into my mind were exactly what she would have said, if you see what I mean.
I am a cynic, but I have had some strange experiences in the past and I do very much believe that there are if not ghosts then manifestations of the dead. As a child I saw several ghosts, and my mother saw her father's ghost on two occasions. He spoke to her the first time, she was convinced she had seen him and it was not a dream. She's never appeared to me, though...which kind of disappoints me in an odd way.
Could I say again, please, how terribly sorry I am for your loss. It's awful, it hurts and it makes no sense for quite a while, but you will come to terms with it given time and love, which I know you will get tons of.
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Post by Wanda Roff on Jul 23, 2009 21:28:51 GMT
Vera, I do so wish I could talk to you face to face. Be very careful of seeing a Spiritualist. Personally, I am spiritual and I do believe that there are true mediums and have had more than one 'experience' but there are a lot of charlatans out there more than willing to take your money. Your mum will live on within you and you should take comfort in all your happy memories of her. She loved you and you loved her. Try and feel privileged that you both had something so special.
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Post by sarah on Jul 23, 2009 21:30:22 GMT
I'm so sorry for you Vera and couldn't possibly give advise. Before my mum died I used to watch all the programmes on living tv (about mediums) and took great comfort in them (after losing my dad). But since losing my mum I just cannot bear to look at them, but that could be a guilt thing. What I do remember from them though, is that it is far to soon to go looking to them for help/comfort. Give yourself time, get all the horrid necessities dealt with and maybe in time you can look into it. my love to you and yours. xx
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Post by sarah on Jul 23, 2009 21:34:00 GMT
Good advise Wanda, sadly there are some bad people out there, although a lady I used to work with said she was very happy with one she went to, and she had to book months in advance for an appointment. x
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Post by Beau Leggs on Jul 24, 2009 10:00:10 GMT
Research has shown that loads of folks have a good impression after visiting a medium/spiritualist. Unfortunately it had more to do with their expectations and the cold-reading methods used by the medium then any provable evidence.
Don't underestimate the power of the cold-reading technique. It is amazing what you can cull about someone before they have even spoken to you. It is amazing how the brain works under these conditions, the victim (for a better work) quickly forgets all the wrong directions the medium puts forward and latches onto the correct guesses and corrections of the wrong guesses. In the tv programme Penn & Teller's B*llsh*t, they show that folks have came out after a meeting with a medium in which the medium got as much as 80% of the facts wrong and was still thought to have give a good reading.
There may be mediums who honestly believe that they are communicating with the dead, but that doesn't stop them from subconsciously cold-reading the victim.
If you believe in a religion, then talk to the minister/priest/rabbi/etc or directly to Jesus/God/whatever or even the dead person. If you don't have a religion, then talk to a friend or a relative.
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Post by Fi on Jul 26, 2009 0:35:21 GMT
I agree with Beau. Vera, the death of someone as close as your mother is so trauamatic that it will inevitably cause a whole gamut of emotions, including anger, which will subside with time, but right now it will all be so raw that I think Beau's advice to talk about it with someone else is spot on. Trying to bottle up your emotions will do you no good, but if you feel that there is no-one that you can talk to, then I suggest that you seek bereavement councelling. Such services are provided by some councils, the NHS and I think some private organisations - look in your phonebook or google to see what's available in your area. Having said all of that, most of all, remember that your emotions right now, however unpleasant, are absolutely normal. I've been through it and, as a result, you have my heartfelt sympathy.
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Post by leadwellie on Aug 7, 2009 1:25:46 GMT
its 7 yrs now since my mum died, and I remember how raw my emotions were. I still miss my mum and find a tear in my eye when I think of her your emotions are very open like a new wound, I would be very careful about going to these people, try focusing on the good and happy times and give yourself time to heal before thinking of going to a medium etc.
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Post by Sir Blimely Windy on Aug 7, 2009 3:42:37 GMT
I think it is a case of each to his or her own.
Personally, I do think that there is something in spiritualism per se.
I have only ever had one vivid dream about my father since he died in 1989, and that was last year. It is still vivid enough for me to remember details of it, when I do not normally remember dreams at all.
My brother seems to have some sort of 'link'. I am not saying that he is Doris Stokes in disguise, but he does have a sensitive nature in that respect. A month before our dad died, he is adamant that he saw our grandfather (who died in 1973) standing at my parents' bedroom door.
In other words, I refuse to discount totally anything that cannot be totally disproven.
I will now remove myself from the fence as the splinters are starting to chafe.
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Post by revmichael on Aug 7, 2009 8:52:06 GMT
Dear Vera, May you know peace and comfort from your many friends, and your tog friends too.
Regarding spiritualists and mediums, you have been given lots of good advice about them on this thread. Please be careful to try and ensure whoever you go to for advice in not just in it for the money.' There are many people who seem as if they want to be helpful but they are frauds.
All I can add is - Don't be worried that you feel angry. This is one of the first emotions experienced by someone facing bereavement. When I am called in to take a funeral I usually give the bereaved person/people a card with some thoughts, verses and prayers on it, but the one I find most helpful is the one headed, 'When you feel angry with God.'
When I lost my 18 year old son in a car crash I found that the photos that we had of him were, and still are, a great comfort.
May God bless you and give you courage to face the future without your mum - but give you very many happy memories of her.
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Post by sarah on Aug 7, 2009 21:42:12 GMT
Vera can I just send you a hug it's been jsut 2 years since I lost my mum and I so understand your feelings feeling really sobby tonight - don't know why! please just take one day at a time and remember that mum is always with you in your heart. xx
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Post by Water Woman on Aug 28, 2009 7:33:09 GMT
Vera, I read your post and the replies with some sadness and understanding. I lost my lovely mum 7 years ago and my darling dad one year ago last weekend. My dad was never very keen on mediums and such but was a very intelligent and open minded man. I was so surprised that after mum died he decided to visit a medium, I guess he felt like the rest of us...just one more communication with her would make all the difference. Nothing came of it and he never went again. I think he became less vulnerable over time. I suppose what I am saying is, you are at a very vulnerable time in your life, take your time to make any decisions. My mum died very suddenly, but with her husband and children all holding her as she slipped away. My dad, we were lucky enough to be able to nurse him for some time before his death, a completely different experience. Totally expected but no less hearwrenching. Both had the same result for me, total blackness. But the dark lifts and although the feelings never go away you learn to live alongside them, they are part of your experiences, part of what shapes you. I only wish you some peace and send condolences on your loss.
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Post by donnyboy on Aug 28, 2009 19:52:57 GMT
Vera,
I've only just read your thread! I don't usually look on this board. I had no idea you were going through what was a bluidy awful time when it happened to me 5 years ago. it took months if not years to get over, and I certainly lost some 'joie de vie' because of it. My Mum has appeared in dreams several times and this was very reassuring to me.
On the subject of Mediums I would say you have had some sound advice here. I for one fully believe in all of that stuff! I believe I have seen Spirit, as has my brother and Dad. I have read most of Doris Stokes' books and Michael Bentine is well worth a look-in too.
I would suggest a Spiritualist Church. They are none profit making and in my experience the whole proceedure is done in a safe and loving environment.
I'm sorry for your loss and if you want to talk just PM me.
Good luck and a big hug, Donnyboy
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Post by leadwellie on Sept 6, 2009 16:36:38 GMT
I think it is a case of each to his or her own. Personally, I do think that there is something in spiritualism per se. I have only ever had one vivid dream about my father since he died in 1989, and that was last year. It is still vivid enough for me to remember details of it, when I do not normally remember dreams at all. My brother seems to have some sort of 'link'. I am not saying that he is Doris Stokes in disguise, but he does have a sensitive nature in that respect. A month before our dad died, he is adamant that he saw our grandfather (who died in 1973) standing at my parents' bedroom door. In other words, I refuse to discount totally anything that cannot be totally disproven. I will now remove myself from the fence as the splinters are starting to chafe. I dont discount spirtulism either but there are many sharletons out there so its a thing not to rush in and veras emotions are very open at the moment so needs time to heal and is very vunrable at the moment.
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Post by scoo on Oct 5, 2009 18:08:52 GMT
I have just come across this posting. I might well try the emptychair theory. My mum was mown down and killed on a pedestrian crossing, on her way to church one Sunday night. 8 weeks aftermy 20th birthday. She never ever told me, in my entire life, she loved me, or hugged me. All she ever said was how horrible I was. I am the middle one of 3 girls, every thing I ever had, I had to share with my sisters, every thing they had was theirs, and didn't have to share with me, I am crying buckets as I type this, some sort of bottled up release perhaps.
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Post by leadwellie on Nov 4, 2009 13:30:24 GMT
I went to my dads grave with a bottle of his fav beer and a letter I sat there and poured the beer on his grave and read the letter to him I then burned the letter, asked him if he enjoyed the beer I felt loads better after that. I still remember life with him and mum our house was rich in love if nothing else
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Carrie R Bag ®
TOG
Welsh Ambassador to North Cyprus and head chef
Wild, wicked and definitely WELSH
Posts: 485
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Post by Carrie R Bag ® on Nov 4, 2009 16:36:46 GMT
Vera, my sister is a Spiritualist by faith and our Mam died 2002, pse msge me on carrirbag@hotmail.com and I will happily share my tale with you. It made me feel a bit better so I hope it will you too. Carrie
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