Post by Candy Mansing on Aug 21, 2006 14:06:06 GMT
It only takes a photo, a comment or having to ‘break the news’ to someone new to stir up that hornet’s nest of pain and loss. The longing to be able to turn the clock back and have it all again. That pain that comes from knowing that it was your fault, your decision, your word that took away that special someone. The guilt over timing is incredible, should you have hung on longer, was it the right time, were you doing this just for yourself – for convenience? Words cannot adequately describe just how much that loss cuts through everything, killing your spirit and leaving everything tasteless, unappetising and grey.
It’s interesting noticing how differently people offer words or comfort or sympathy. Those who have never known this feeling of wretchedness, despair and guilt or had to go through a similar situation offer palliative words which are hollow however well meant. Those that share stories of similar pain just touch you more and your heart goes out to them even though it feels as though it is already as empty and wrung dry as it can get.
Relentless with the progress of every day comes some emergence and feeling again. Life moves on, unwelcome with its disregard for your desire to hide away no matter how you try and fight it. Slowly you find that you are no longer fighting it as much, that the gaps between pain and despair get that little bit longer. You start to remember the things that gave you cause to love, to care, to spoil and pamper. The companionship, the personality, the stupid stunts or wreckage they have caused. You find you smile about it. Despite the pain, you even laugh gently to yourself at that last daft antic. You take pride in telling people about their achievements, about them, which gives new life, different life to them.
The affection, unconditional love and friendship they offered make all of it worthwhile. Your sprit comes to life again, things become green and flourish slowly but as surely as spring itself comes. That’s when you know why you did what you did and why you would do it all again.
Amara 1994 - 2006 - at Peace now.
It’s interesting noticing how differently people offer words or comfort or sympathy. Those who have never known this feeling of wretchedness, despair and guilt or had to go through a similar situation offer palliative words which are hollow however well meant. Those that share stories of similar pain just touch you more and your heart goes out to them even though it feels as though it is already as empty and wrung dry as it can get.
Relentless with the progress of every day comes some emergence and feeling again. Life moves on, unwelcome with its disregard for your desire to hide away no matter how you try and fight it. Slowly you find that you are no longer fighting it as much, that the gaps between pain and despair get that little bit longer. You start to remember the things that gave you cause to love, to care, to spoil and pamper. The companionship, the personality, the stupid stunts or wreckage they have caused. You find you smile about it. Despite the pain, you even laugh gently to yourself at that last daft antic. You take pride in telling people about their achievements, about them, which gives new life, different life to them.
The affection, unconditional love and friendship they offered make all of it worthwhile. Your sprit comes to life again, things become green and flourish slowly but as surely as spring itself comes. That’s when you know why you did what you did and why you would do it all again.
Amara 1994 - 2006 - at Peace now.