Post by lenityg on Sept 15, 2007 14:53:28 GMT
I cried once. Well I cried a lot once. But after that last time when I cried like my heart would break, when I cried to release the hurt and the pain, after then I can't cry. Tears may well up one or two may fall but I don't cry. Its like I have nothing left in me. I look heartless when I hear about things or at funerals of friends because I can't cry.
And its not like I have a happy outlook. Its not like I'm an eternal optomist. I'm not. And I'm not hard. I used to cry at the drop of a hat. I used to cry at adverts, and not just the ones that are meant to make you cry. I once cried at an Andrex advert. But now....
Its like I can't be bothered. Because crying will remind me of the last time I cried the last time I let it all out. That time when it was like I was never going to stop. And its easier not to be reminded. Because being reminded will bring back the hurt and the pain and it will all start again.
I'm told that when I accept it I will be able to cry. But if I accept it its happened. And so I don't. Maybe that makes me a wimp. I don't care. But I do miss crying. Because it didn't matter what I was crying about I always felt better after a good weep.....Its like after the rain when the sun comes out everything looks fresh and bright. So if I don't cry does that mean the sun won't come out? Does that mean it will always be overcast with the threat if rain of a storm but no soft drops falling to clear things away, to glisten, no puddles to splash through in your wellies.
Now thats something to cry about.
And its not like I have a happy outlook. Its not like I'm an eternal optomist. I'm not. And I'm not hard. I used to cry at the drop of a hat. I used to cry at adverts, and not just the ones that are meant to make you cry. I once cried at an Andrex advert. But now....
Its like I can't be bothered. Because crying will remind me of the last time I cried the last time I let it all out. That time when it was like I was never going to stop. And its easier not to be reminded. Because being reminded will bring back the hurt and the pain and it will all start again.
I'm told that when I accept it I will be able to cry. But if I accept it its happened. And so I don't. Maybe that makes me a wimp. I don't care. But I do miss crying. Because it didn't matter what I was crying about I always felt better after a good weep.....Its like after the rain when the sun comes out everything looks fresh and bright. So if I don't cry does that mean the sun won't come out? Does that mean it will always be overcast with the threat if rain of a storm but no soft drops falling to clear things away, to glisten, no puddles to splash through in your wellies.
Now thats something to cry about.