Post by Eema Braazkumov on Feb 16, 2008 22:50:06 GMT
Yes dear! I'll be right in. Just hanging out the washing!
Dear me, he's an impatient so and so. Always was. I swear I could feel G-forces as he fair galloped me back down the aisle after we were married, because you see darling, as soon as God said it was okay for us to get biblical (if you know what I mean), that's just what Mervin wanted to do. And quickly! No girl wants to rush things her first time, but I barely had time to brace myself before I was buttoning my bed jacket back up and wondering what all the fuss was about.
Anyhoo, it's been 28 very 'pleasant' years now. No children. I've got lazy ovaries and as for Mervin's sperm darling... well I think they're practically comatose. Hahahahaha!! What darling? No! No, no, no it's never bothered me. Mervin is enough to look after I can assure you! Sylvia, will you scratch my back? Sylvia, can you run my bath? Sylvia can you rub my feet? Sylvia, put your hand round this... Darling, don't ever marry a mummy's boy. You'll be looking after them till the day they die, which between you and me, might not be too far into the future, the rate he's going. Hahahahahaha!!!!
Now my darling, as you're new to the neighbourhood, let me give you the 'skinny' on the other people in the Close. Have you met Leonard opposite you? Glass eye and a whippet. No? Right. One word of warning. He passed with honours at the Leslie Phillips school of flirting. He's an absolute scoundrel, and will have his hands on your bottom in a second, if you're not careful. He lives on his own, listens to Dusty Springfield and has flowery curtains, but don't believe a word of it my darling. He's as straight as an arrow. It's just one of his cunning plans to worm his way into a lady's affections. Now, he can't come over to our side of the road, because Evelyn at no. 32, next door but one to you, has a restraining order on him. Fifteen feet! I think it's hilarious darling! It's like something out of the films!
Evelyn is a darling, a quiet little thing, very petite, not a big old bird like me, hahahaha, and she does some sort of care work. I think old people... because between you and me darling, that's what her house smells of. Old ladies. Hahahahaha! She has a son, loud, skateboard, peaked hat, jolly little chap, bit free with the bad language and a nasty skin problem, but he picked up one of my oranges for me once, when it fell out of my bag, and so he gets my vote! I mean he didn't have to did he? He could have thrown it through a window or trodden on it. Most kids would, let's be fair!
Anyway, must go darling. Mervin needs feeding! Hahahaha. It's faggots for dinner, although I have to massacre them and pick the bits of onion out. Don't ask! I told you! Mummy's boy! Hahahaha! Well, it's been lovely meeting you, and just give the back door a bang if you fancy a pot of tea won't you? Only not around 6pm. Mervin watches Hollyoaks.
Ta ra!
Dear me, he's an impatient so and so. Always was. I swear I could feel G-forces as he fair galloped me back down the aisle after we were married, because you see darling, as soon as God said it was okay for us to get biblical (if you know what I mean), that's just what Mervin wanted to do. And quickly! No girl wants to rush things her first time, but I barely had time to brace myself before I was buttoning my bed jacket back up and wondering what all the fuss was about.
Anyhoo, it's been 28 very 'pleasant' years now. No children. I've got lazy ovaries and as for Mervin's sperm darling... well I think they're practically comatose. Hahahahaha!! What darling? No! No, no, no it's never bothered me. Mervin is enough to look after I can assure you! Sylvia, will you scratch my back? Sylvia, can you run my bath? Sylvia can you rub my feet? Sylvia, put your hand round this... Darling, don't ever marry a mummy's boy. You'll be looking after them till the day they die, which between you and me, might not be too far into the future, the rate he's going. Hahahahahaha!!!!
Now my darling, as you're new to the neighbourhood, let me give you the 'skinny' on the other people in the Close. Have you met Leonard opposite you? Glass eye and a whippet. No? Right. One word of warning. He passed with honours at the Leslie Phillips school of flirting. He's an absolute scoundrel, and will have his hands on your bottom in a second, if you're not careful. He lives on his own, listens to Dusty Springfield and has flowery curtains, but don't believe a word of it my darling. He's as straight as an arrow. It's just one of his cunning plans to worm his way into a lady's affections. Now, he can't come over to our side of the road, because Evelyn at no. 32, next door but one to you, has a restraining order on him. Fifteen feet! I think it's hilarious darling! It's like something out of the films!
Evelyn is a darling, a quiet little thing, very petite, not a big old bird like me, hahahaha, and she does some sort of care work. I think old people... because between you and me darling, that's what her house smells of. Old ladies. Hahahahaha! She has a son, loud, skateboard, peaked hat, jolly little chap, bit free with the bad language and a nasty skin problem, but he picked up one of my oranges for me once, when it fell out of my bag, and so he gets my vote! I mean he didn't have to did he? He could have thrown it through a window or trodden on it. Most kids would, let's be fair!
Anyway, must go darling. Mervin needs feeding! Hahahaha. It's faggots for dinner, although I have to massacre them and pick the bits of onion out. Don't ask! I told you! Mummy's boy! Hahahaha! Well, it's been lovely meeting you, and just give the back door a bang if you fancy a pot of tea won't you? Only not around 6pm. Mervin watches Hollyoaks.
Ta ra!