Post by Eema Braazkumov on Apr 20, 2008 20:57:51 GMT
Okay Eema. You are single again. It happens. It's not the end of the world, although it might feel like it a bit, at times. Yes, I know you're feeling a bit lonely and lost... but it'll get better. Trust me.
A little later on, you may decide that you feel ready to try dating again. You must not do this. Dating is bad is for you. You know this. Surely the numerous dates you went on during your last foray into singledom, have taught you this?
What about the teacher with the smelly house, tropical fish and grill tray full of bacon fat? Who thought that wooing you included a cold chinese takeaway and a fumble on the sofa in front of Withnail & I.
Or the chap in his forties who seemed like such a gentleman during the meal, then lunged at you later on, on your sofa, then emailed you the next day, to say that you were very nice but could be so much nicer if you just lost some weight? Such a shame he still has kneecaps.
And then there was the truck driver with the earring who, when you first met him, you swore wasn't your type, and after referring to you as Fatpants, you promptly fell for him, hook, line and sinker and then got dumped by text while you were on a crowded bus, just so you could give your award winning performance of 'Woman sobbing on the inside, smiling on the outside'.
Oh, and if you are still thinking about trying dating again, think about the trainee podiatrist who lured you with KFC's, and the men's fashion shop manager who reeled you in with his sense of humour, both of whom then asked if you would like to be **** buddies.
The bloke that snogged like a washing machine on high speed, the biker from Weymouth that turned your legs to jelly but lived in s*dding Weymouth, the bloke in Bath that lived on a houseboat, but not the cute type of houseboat you want to spend a week on chugging down the Thames, more the scary type of houseboat that Steptoe & Son would own, and the idiot riot policeman who talked about his work all night, asked you out for another date, then disappeared off the face of the earth.
Now, if this isn't enough to stop you from dating men again, then I don't know what is.
Now pay attention. Dating men: bad. Being single: good. This is the new mantra you must learn. Go for it kiddo, you'll be fine!
Lots of love, me. x
A little later on, you may decide that you feel ready to try dating again. You must not do this. Dating is bad is for you. You know this. Surely the numerous dates you went on during your last foray into singledom, have taught you this?
What about the teacher with the smelly house, tropical fish and grill tray full of bacon fat? Who thought that wooing you included a cold chinese takeaway and a fumble on the sofa in front of Withnail & I.
Or the chap in his forties who seemed like such a gentleman during the meal, then lunged at you later on, on your sofa, then emailed you the next day, to say that you were very nice but could be so much nicer if you just lost some weight? Such a shame he still has kneecaps.
And then there was the truck driver with the earring who, when you first met him, you swore wasn't your type, and after referring to you as Fatpants, you promptly fell for him, hook, line and sinker and then got dumped by text while you were on a crowded bus, just so you could give your award winning performance of 'Woman sobbing on the inside, smiling on the outside'.
Oh, and if you are still thinking about trying dating again, think about the trainee podiatrist who lured you with KFC's, and the men's fashion shop manager who reeled you in with his sense of humour, both of whom then asked if you would like to be **** buddies.
The bloke that snogged like a washing machine on high speed, the biker from Weymouth that turned your legs to jelly but lived in s*dding Weymouth, the bloke in Bath that lived on a houseboat, but not the cute type of houseboat you want to spend a week on chugging down the Thames, more the scary type of houseboat that Steptoe & Son would own, and the idiot riot policeman who talked about his work all night, asked you out for another date, then disappeared off the face of the earth.
Now, if this isn't enough to stop you from dating men again, then I don't know what is.
Now pay attention. Dating men: bad. Being single: good. This is the new mantra you must learn. Go for it kiddo, you'll be fine!
Lots of love, me. x