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Post by Uncle Bulgaria on Aug 19, 2010 0:05:22 GMT
Probably not the right board but can be the most serious one. I wonder if anyone has any helpful tips on how to deal with someone with dementia. Although not officially diagnosed, by dad is obviously suffering with dementia. I'm taking meals to him whilst his partner (mum and dad divorced 30 years ago) is visiting her son for a week. I'm finding this very tough. He becomes frustrated and unreasonable and whatever I say doesn't make any difference and I come away feeling wretched. Should I ignore his rants, address them or offer sympathy? I understand it's best to keep a calm voice - not easy, but I try. If anyone can offer other ways to deal with this I'd be very grateful for any advice. He is going to a doctor when his partner comes back. UB
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Post by Frankleapold on Aug 19, 2010 15:33:00 GMT
I to have a close relative with Dementia/Alzheimer's Disease. Helpful website : www.specal.co.uk
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Post by Water Woman on Aug 19, 2010 18:07:47 GMT
My darling dad also had dementia. As he had always had the sharpest brain and wit of anyone I had ever met it came as a blow that caused my siblings and I almost physical pain. He became unreasonable and difficult sometimes - he would dress himself in a number of shirts and trousers all at the same time, he would then become lucid and say 'oh no, have I been up to my old tricks again?' Twould break your heart. My sisters and I all reacted differently to his dementia, one would try to talk him out of his belief that we had moved him from his own flat into an identical one, but I would just try to talk him round to another subject. I am glad to say that we lost him before it got to the worst stages, he always knew who we were. I am finding myself typing this as a release for me... sorry. That is not much help with your question, and I don't have much help for you. But I do feel for you and for anyone who is losing the person they love and have looked up to this horrible condition. I guess it is just a matter of reading up on the condition and taking advice from agencies who are there to help. Ask for a social work assessment and at least that may get your dad's partner and yourself some help.
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Post by Uncle Bulgaria on Aug 22, 2010 23:34:31 GMT
Thanks for the replies. Just typing something here has helped, and to know that there are others who understand the problems. Today was especially awful with dad who is so angry and frustrated at his condition. I feel useless, whatever I say or do seems wrong. I know it's not but I'm sure there are others who understand that feeling.
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Post by idathortso on Aug 23, 2010 10:42:19 GMT
Am with Frank on this one - SPECAL are great! I have pm'd you...
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Post by Vera Bout on Aug 24, 2010 18:07:50 GMT
You have my heartfelt sympathy on this one, I lost my Mum to this horrible disease last year and hard as it may be it is easier to walk away from the rants rather than make things worse and try to calm things down, you may end up saying something you didn't mean to. There are plenty of sites out there which offer help and support, I also found the Alzheimer's society were brilliant as were the Special people, both well worth contacting.
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Post by Uncle Bulgaria on Aug 24, 2010 22:25:28 GMT
Thank you all. If each day was like today I'd be happy but I also realise that one day can be so different to the last. Dad was on good form which I'm grateful for. Unc
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Post by tigerlily on Aug 25, 2010 18:05:23 GMT
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. It is hard work, indeed. My dad suffered from dementia with Lewey bodies, which is one form of the illness. He had fewer and fewer lucid spells but tried to keep going as long as he could.
One day he was sitting in the chair reading and he looked up at me and said: 'There's something wrong with me. I've read the same paragraph I don't know how many times, and I couldn't tell you what it said for the life of me. Could you call the doctor, please?' Up until that point, there was nothing the doctor could do, which was very upsetting.
Dad eventually went into a geriatric psychiatric unit to be assessed, and from there into a local nursing home where he lived for the last three years of his life. He seemed quite happy on the whole whenever I went to see him, and usually knew who I was. He'd sit there reading the paper upside down and then tell me what the headline stories were, except he'd made them up. Some of our conversations were hilarious.
I think the best course of action when your dad becomes frustrated and angry is just to try to keep calm, reassure him as much as you can and try to distract him with something else.
Again, I'm sorry you're going through this experience. It changes the parent/child dynamic into something new and very different.
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Post by Uncle Bulgaria on Nov 12, 2010 22:23:40 GMT
Update- Dad died this morning, thankfully the illness was short. I'd like thank everyone for their messages of support and to let you all know it was very much appreciated. I read through them a number of times and found them a great help. Dementia is horrible but, fortunately, my dad passed peacefully in our local hospital where the fantastic staff made sure he was comfortable. I was able to say goodbye so I have no regrets. Thanks again, you are all wonderful people. UB
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Post by sarah on Nov 12, 2010 23:07:09 GMT
My love to you and your family. xx
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Post by Glen B Ogle on Nov 13, 2010 7:44:44 GMT
Will keep you and family in thoughts and prayers UB.
Glen
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Post by Vera Bout on Nov 14, 2010 16:16:31 GMT
Sorry to hear you lost your Dad, it is never easy but at least the worst part of the illness you never had to see which I also found myself grateful for with Mum. Sad they are no longer with you but that is better than see the people you love turn into a stranger! Take care and keep strong, your Dad would expect it!
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Post by hellenbach on Nov 14, 2010 22:33:59 GMT
No more than you could wish for, for a loved one.
You have our sympathy, UB
Hells & Tude x
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Post by Slowan on Nov 14, 2010 22:48:11 GMT
Sad news indeed. But at times like this it does feel like a release too. Huge *hugs*
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Post by Uncle Bulgaria on Nov 18, 2010 0:31:24 GMT
Thanks again everyone for the kind support you have shown. It really does make a difference. xx UB
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Post by Peek on Nov 18, 2010 15:46:24 GMT
Only just seen this Uncle B, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
Try and remember the good times that you had with your Dad, and don't forget that he will always be with you .
Take care.
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Post by Candy Mansing on Feb 18, 2011 19:36:58 GMT
My gran had alzheimers and it was difficult to watch and live with. I can't offer much practical help as it was a few years ago now, but you have my sympathy of how it feels.
I think the best advice has been given above and just try to stay strong. My best wishes for you.
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