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Post by Lou Briccant on Oct 9, 2008 12:00:14 GMT
If you keep that door open, Mandy, You'll have all the kids coming for Candy, But when you made that pass, You fell flat on your Ass And got the Candy all Sandy.
But if I wipe it, as clean as the Hob, It will still be worth a few bob, I'll make it shine bright, If I stay up all night, While you are out on the job.
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Post by Jack Nifedlorry on Oct 9, 2008 17:35:54 GMT
"I'm off to attend P.M.Q's" Becks said, "So stay here if you choose, But if you try stalling When the press boys start calling, I wouldn't like to be in your shoes."
Don't worry Maggy dear, I'm O.K. I'll just stay out of their way. If they knock on the door, I'll just lie on the floor. And wait till they've all gone away.
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Post by Lou Briccant on Oct 10, 2008 9:05:55 GMT
You know that they'll never give up, So stop being a whimpering pup, Shake off those blues, Come to P'M'Qs Then you can buy me a cup.
Now Margaret, don't make one more sound, And stop following me, all around, Since you got this new post, You've done nothing but boast, You're too bossy for me I have found.
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Post by Jack Nifedlorry on Oct 10, 2008 10:06:09 GMT
Mags you know I can't do P'M'Q's Even if it's a thing I would choose. Since they made me a Peer That lot would just sneer And I'd get all upset with their boos.
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Post by Lou Briccant on Oct 11, 2008 10:05:21 GMT
So now, you are shirking the job, Don't think, you'll melt me with a sob, It's become very clear, Since they made you a peer, You're becoming a right whinging snob.
I'll go to PMQs on my own, And don't, ring me up on the phone, To find out what was said, You can lie there in bed, And I won't even feed you a bone.
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Post by paul Zernikazof on Oct 14, 2008 15:11:36 GMT
There was a young lass from Dunoon Who said 'Sir, I must crave a boon' I'd love to have a toot On your organic flute Please tell me if I play it in tune?
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Post by fayesake on Nov 18, 2008 7:56:12 GMT
Old Bill had a boil on his bum It was talented and learned how to hum They sang duets in the bars And now they are stars And their fees are all paid in dark rum
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Post by fayesake on Nov 19, 2008 6:29:57 GMT
Yesterday to my paint class I went Painted three windows a door and the vent Then I saw the nude model And started to goggle He was certainly a very built gent
I tried hard to hide all my blushes I made use of my biggest best brushes I think he was flattered I drew that which which mattered And we disappeared into the bushes
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Post by paul Zernikazof on Nov 20, 2008 13:01:15 GMT
There was a young man frae Dunoon Took his girl for a walk roond the toon On a banana she slips and out popped her bits So he put them back in with a spoon
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Post by Nuala Bowtitt on Nov 20, 2008 14:57:19 GMT
In a packed shopping centre in Tring While our man from Dunoon searched for bling. On banana peel slips And out pop his bits But nobody noticed a thing!
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Post by paul Zernikazof on Nov 21, 2008 16:56:33 GMT
A friend of our lass, known as Mabel Had an accident while sat at the table As she reached across for a sprout Her 48 GG's went and flopped out She had to put them back in with a ladle
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Post by Nuala Bowtitt on Nov 21, 2008 18:22:48 GMT
Our man frae Dunoon had the hump. Cos he'd broken his bicycle pump Which, preparing for Bess, He'd used to excess So his bits wouldn't suffer a slump.
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Post by fayesake on Nov 22, 2008 7:29:08 GMT
There was a young man frae Dunoon Got the hump when they called him poltroon He sulked and he flounced His ego was bounced 'Cos everyone thought him a loon
He decided to write him a poem And pen an intelligent tome But the poor lad was so dense He made little sense So he got a job as a little garden gnome
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Post by fayesake on Nov 29, 2008 10:30:57 GMT
A writer of limericks was so rude And his wife was a terrible prude The poems she could take But his dire mistake Was writing them in the nude
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Post by Lou Briccant on Nov 29, 2008 11:33:04 GMT
Faye, you've been looking again.
So alright, I write in the nude, But my wife, is not such a prude, When I start to undress, She says, "I must confess, You're good looking enough, to be food."
That Faye Sake, looks through our curtain, She's after my body, I'm certain, Her eyes, they light up, When she sees my "D" cup And the willy warmer, I got from Burton.
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Post by fayesake on Nov 29, 2008 14:44:05 GMT
Trollin' down Lou's street the other night My eyes beheld an interesting sight His curtains were wide open And there was me hopin' I wasn't going to get a great fright
He was sat sitting there in unashamed buff Penning pomes and limericks and other worthy stuff 'Have you no shame?' my voice was quite thin 'Not at all, no', he replied with a grin 'Would you care for a piece of my lovely plum duff?'
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Post by Lou Briccant on Nov 29, 2008 20:01:23 GMT
Now Faye dear, you've done it again, You are wet, best come in from the rain, After I rub you down, You can borrow my gown, Then your journey, won't have been, in vain.
We'll sit and we'll drink a hot toddy And follow that up with some voddie I'll admire your fresh croutons In my gown, without buttons, Then rub oil, on every inch of your body.
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Post by fayesake on Dec 6, 2008 16:31:46 GMT
Now Faye is demure and shy Rude limericks quite pass her by She cannot comprende A double-entrende She's a Laydee and boy can she lie ;D
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Post by Lou Briccant on Dec 7, 2008 11:08:34 GMT
A Tog, by the name of Arty Fishaltree, Went out one night on the spree, She met a young bloke, Who said this is no joke, You're wearing Long Johns past your knee.
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Post by fayesake on Dec 21, 2008 8:17:42 GMT
Once again I am sat sitting here Writing pome stuff and to me it is clear Seasons Greetings and wishes And no puns about fishes Merry Christmas to all, and good cheer! xxx
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