|
Post by revmichael on Jan 19, 2010 8:51:15 GMT
God and the Scientist
God is sitting in heaven when a scientist says to him, "Lord, we don't need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing. In other words, we can now do what you did in the beginning."
"Oh, is that so? Tell me," replies God.
"Well," says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into your likeness and breathe life into it, thus creating man."
"Well, that's interesting. Show me."
So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil.
"Oh no, no, no," interrupts God. "Get your own dirt."
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Jan 12, 2010 14:08:24 GMT
I don't quite know how sound I am because I've been doing an awful lot of coughing lately. As for my voice - if only my hairstyle, figure and face would match it, then I'd be very glad. But you togs have to take me as I am - but it will be unlikely to be Pause for Thought - although I'd love to do some again. I have never been on the Live 9.15 version, only the recorded ones and that was twnety years ago.
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Jan 11, 2010 11:38:49 GMT
I agree that the music was about right (for me anyway) but the show was not the gentle one we have grown used to. The BBC are obviously after new listeners and just bringing back the lady out of her cupboard (as nice as she is) is not going to make the programme much gentler. I'll try it for a bit longer - but I may find that I will switch off the radio and consentrate on my work. While Terry was on I was able to skim through the papers (on line) and play games of scabble with people 'Down Under' - and even as far away as Doncaster and Brummyland.
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Jan 11, 2010 9:35:52 GMT
I don't think it's really aimed at the old audience - at least not those of us who like to be gently brought into a new day. There was no meniton of Chuffer Dandridge or anything at all of the old togs show. I suppose we will just have to make to with the weekly Sunday one (not that I will be able to hear it). Still, I suppose it's time to mvoe on.
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Jan 10, 2010 23:08:16 GMT
Well I have had coffee with him, so ner ner ner ner ner Would you not have preferred a choccy biscuit? We may well have had a chocolate biscuit as well Beau. I can't remember - and who could when in the company of such a gorgeous young lady as our Ivy.
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Jan 10, 2010 21:16:11 GMT
I have a Blackberry - and it only takes me about 30 minutes to send a text, and sometimes I've been able to make a phone call on it. I mainly have it to remind me when I should go to the dentist.
I only have it because it is a 'cast off' of my son's managing director.
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Jan 10, 2010 21:12:21 GMT
Thank you all for your very kind comments. I do use that voice while I'm preaching (after all, it IS the only one I have). Every church I preach in I seem to have a fan club - all ladies, and all over 80! I thought it was my wavy hair (which used to be there in my 20s) but it must be my voice.
What a shame that the private producers of Pause for Thought no longer want me, and haven't wanted me in the past twenty years! Hey, ho. At least I have friends here.
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Jan 10, 2010 9:07:33 GMT
Thanks folks, I'm sure a lot of you would have done a better job than me but they just asked me to take part for some reason. Norman had already been contacted when they asked me. I'm glad he was on it first. Thanks for providing the link Mahatt.
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Nov 11, 2009 8:59:22 GMT
Young Bentley Young Bentley? Has one of Michael's sons joined without my knowing perchance? My dear Sir I would like you to know that I have no acquaintance with anyone called Perchange.
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Nov 11, 2009 8:57:59 GMT
The Flood is over and the ark has landed. Noah lets all the animals out and says, "Go forth and multiply."
A few months later, Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals. Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes. "What's the problem?" says Noah.
"Cut down some trees and let us live there," say the snakes.
Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. He finds lots of little snakes, and everybody is happy. Noah asks, "Want to tell me how the trees helped?"
"Certainly," say the snakes. "We're adders, so we need logs to multiply."
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Nov 10, 2009 8:19:57 GMT
So sorry to hear about the passing our friend. May those who were specially close to him be comforted in their sorrow and may they have many, many happy memories to remind them of such a great friend. And we, who never knew him, will miss him via his many posts. May God bless all who mourn and may we all remember with joy our friend.
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Nov 7, 2009 8:43:33 GMT
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go? Wonder no more!!! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing: "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Nov 4, 2009 7:16:35 GMT
"Some people are making such thorough preparations for a rainy day that they completely miss today's sunshine."
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Oct 21, 2009 18:35:44 GMT
Donna was the organist for our wedding. She related a story to us about a previous wedding in which she and her husband Burk were participating, with her on organ and him singing. During rehearsal the audio man at the church asked them to sing and play so that he could adjust volumes. They did not have the wedding music with them, so they began to perform one of the hymns they had practiced for church the previous week, "He Touched Me."
Just as they started, the preacher walked in and stopped, looking very surprised. He had never, ever heard that song chosen for a wedding before. The opening line of the hymn: "Shackled by a heavy burden..."
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Oct 8, 2009 10:50:50 GMT
My father, an Army major, was conducting a field test when communications went dead. Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command station.
When my father and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook my father's hand. "Don't congratulate me, sir," my father said modestly as he pointed to his driver. "It was all the sergeant's doing."
The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. "Congratulations," he said. "The major's wife just had a baby girl."
(Good clean funnies list)
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Sept 22, 2009 6:51:27 GMT
At the Sunday morning church service, the minister asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle crash and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was terrible and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from all the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every movement caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a very delicate operation, which lasted for over five hours, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery that was performed on Tom. "Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord, after six weeks, Tom is now out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with relief. The minister rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Sept 22, 2009 6:40:55 GMT
A bear, a lion, and a pig meet. I know what your thinking they eat the PIG...NO The bear says, "If I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear." The lion says, "If I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me." The pig says, "Big deal....I only have to cough, and the entire planet goes into mass panic."
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Sept 7, 2009 18:48:03 GMT
Who is this ginger fella?
WE WANT CHUFFER TO DO IT FOR US.
At least he speaks sense!
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Sept 7, 2009 6:48:33 GMT
goes and gets a cup of water lol very drol. My Mary says our humour is very dry and wierd I have no idea what she means lol On the other hand, I don't like my noodles dry and and weird.
|
|
|
Post by revmichael on Sept 3, 2009 6:20:11 GMT
Two cannibals were sitting around the campfire talking. One of the cannibals said, "You know, I just don't like my brother-in-law."
To which the other replied, "Then just eat the noodles."
|
|